September 25, 2012 by Lindsey
I should have reached 21 days binge free by now.
Could I have? I don’t know. I didn’t (don’t?) have the right tools to do this 21 days straight. But I’m working on it.
So, right now I’m on Cycle 1, Day 10. This is my 3rd attempt at getting past Day 10. I’ve had 2 strikes and today is my last chance.
Failure means return to Cycle 1 , Day 1.
Success means moving to Cycle 1, Day 11. The farthest I’ve gone on this journey.
Being out of town at Fitbloggin helped me get to C1D10. Without it, I think I’d still be floundering around near Day 5. Or starting over. Or giving up.
At Fitbloggin, I was distracted, I was active, and I was AWAY from my triggers. (These are foods that others might be able to eat in polite portions, but, for now, they spell d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r for me. Right now they are–very sadly– nuts, cereal with milk, and chocolate chips. Random, but true.) Once I start eating them, it’s very hard for me to stop. Even harder than it would be to not eat them at all in the first place!
But I never seem to learn my lesson. I wonder how I am so faulty, so weak or blind to this problem.
Now, post-Fitbloggin, back at home, I’m surrounded by triggers–and stress.
A very pleasant combination.
I have not been able to stay “on plan” or overeating-free for one day since I’ve been home.
Today I am committing to stay on plan, binge free, and, maybe most importantly, TRIGGER free.
It’s my last chance.
I’m also debating this week whether to join Weight Watchers online, in meetings, or neither. At Fitbloggin I heard quite a few stories of people who have had recent phenomenal success with Weight Watchers. I know it worked for me before and I’m not quite sure why I’m so hesitant to get started “officially” with them again.
I guess because that would be a public admission that I failed the first time with Weight Watchers. I remember, mid-2011, I was feeling anxious that my “5 year anniversary” of starting Weight Watchers was a few months away.
Years ago, I read (or heard) some statistic that the people who are most successful with permanent weight loss are those who keep their new target weight range for five years. After some light Googling, I can’t even find that statistic, but it’s been stuck in my mind since 2006.
I started gaining weight about 2 weeks before my 5 year anniversary. And I’ve been struggling since then.
I’m so TIRED OF IT! I’m embarrassed by it. It’s wearing me down.
It’s time to change.