October 4, 2012 by Lindsey
I woke up this morning and made a mistake.
Was it really a mistake? I almost felt like the decision had already been made— like I hadn’t really thought about it, I just did it and knew I would do it.
So what did I do?
I had a “mini binge,” at breakfast. I was so enjoying the extended vacation from breakfast bingeing since I began the 21 Days Binge Free Challenge.
I can’t pinpoint when I “decided” to binge. This morning, when I woke up, I just knew it was going to happen. I didn’t get as much of a thrill as I used to when thinking about or “planning” a binge, but I didn’t try to stop myself, nor did I think I could.
It wasn’t a real, full-on binge– but I overate and it was a silly combination of snack foods, not a real meal, so I call that a binge.
I’m on Day 16 of my challenge and I’ve been on dumb old Day 16 for 3 days now. It’s my third strike day–and I had a mini-binge. And my weigh in day is tomorrow. It’s like another round of setting up the self-sabotage. Succumbing to it? Sliding into it? I haven’t quite figured out how or why this seems to happen.
It certainly is obnoxious.
After I had my carb fest, the feelings set in: the guilt, the remorse, the sensation of “Oh, no, what have I done?? What was I thinking?”
Well, like I described above, I wasn’t thinking.
I felt like I was on autopilot and the decision was made. It was just a matter of carrying out the act. Now my task is to figure out how to stop myself from acting. I need to react to these Breakfast Binge Situations— not negatively (as I used to), and not too late (aka after the binge).
I was disappointed in myself. I was confused by my choices (or lack thereof?).
This time, unlike other times, I made a plan and followed through.
I committed to eating extra vegetables, drinking more water than usual (which is a lot), and getting extra (NOT excessive) exercise. I committed to not eating any extra (unnecessary) carbs for the rest of the day.
The day is not done, but I did it! I ate hearty portions of veggies at lunch, snack, and dinner and I got a ton of walking in because the weather was warm and I couldn’t face my computer. Water is never an issue and neither was drinking extra.
Thinking back on this day, I realize two problems:
- that my breakfast binge is a part of a good food habit gone bad.
- that I feel unsatisfied after each meal (either it was not enough, or not what I wanted, or I have an issue that food won’t solve, yet I think it will) <— a whole other blog post
So let’s deal with problem #1:
Good Food Habits Gone Bad
Before I attempted weight loss the first time, I was an eager breakfast eater. Whether I woke up hungry or not, I ate breakfast. Usually cereal, sometimes eggs. When the bowl or plate was empty, I almost always wanted more. And I usually had more.
Good Habit… Eating breakfast
…Gone Bad Breakfast bingeing
After I was successful in my first weight loss attempt (too successful), I either ate nothing for breakfast because I wasn’t hungry (due to 1 of 2 reasons: sweets binge the night before or broken hunger signals, or both) or I had an apple.
Good Habit…not breakfast bingeing
…Gone Bad Unbalanced non-meal or no meal at all at breakfast
Now that I’m restarting my weight loss efforts after gaining back all the weight I lost and then some, in addition to trying to repair my metabolic damage, I make eating breakfast a priority. I eat when I’m hungry, not starving, and I try to make it protein + protein + carb.
Big Breakfast Obstacle for me right now: Immediately after I finish eating, I don’t feel satisfied.
Maybe if I walked away from the kitchen and declared mealtime to be over, satisfaction would slowly creep in.
Sometimes I can get myself to do this–I feel a sense of being fulfilled and I’m ready to be patient to wait for the energy from my food to kick in.
But sometimes I just want more. Usually, the first non-thought (just brain reaction) is that ever since I severely restricted my food, I am subconsciously concerned that I am not getting enough food now and I won’t ever. So I better make sure that won’t happen by eating now and making sure I feel satisfied (which I never really feel…) Following emotions or thoughts….I’m impatient? Stressed? Avoiding work? Craving other foods I haven’t eaten yet? And so the breakfast binge begins.
Good Habit…. Eating breakfast
…Gone Bad breakfast bingeing
It is incredibly frustrating to go back to this place! Different reasons for the same reaction, but I’m getting the same result at breakfast as I was TEN YEARS AGO!
It’s been years (as you’ve read) since I’ve had to deal with breakfast bingeing. I’m going to be investigating ways to solve it.
I’m on the lookout for new, interesting, nutritious (and of course, easy and fast) breakfast ideas that meet my protein + protein + carb standards.
I need to be incredibly aware before I even set foot (ha, I typed ‘food’ first) out of bed that no matter what the autopilot says is going to happen, I am directing myself elsewhere.
I’m heading for a balanced breakfast time that breaks my nighttime “fast” without a binge.